Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Does my butt look perfect in this























Dear Marc, isn't it time you treated yourself to underwear made to fit your exact measurements?

Ida will help you.

love
-e, soon to be seen in a pair of perfect tightie whities.

Love from London
























Dear Marc, we've arrived in London where everythings a little more grand, a little more sophisticated and a little more weird.

For instance, the shower at our place is constructed to spurt water in two directions. Unfortunately, neither way is down. For the first time in history, it's possible to take a shower without getting wet. Why does this seem so British? All food items in our local store is made to be microwaved. All of it.

The first day, we went looking for parks, only to find that the majority are locked up. We saw empty playground after empty playground, with the two kids crying from frustration. Growing up in a socialist country, where everything, including the king's private palace, is open to the public, it all seemed exotic and exclusive in a not so great way.

Finally we found a park. And then a primary school with a small moat and guard dogs. Exotic! Exclusive!


















Here's me and the kids in front of our place. And my fave boots.























And the poppa.


















My brother came over to report for manny duty. He's with the kids as I type.


















Ok, that's it for now. Must write important article covering the life of Bianca Jagger. The fashion years, the decades of working to save humanity from evils and George W Bush.
Do you know Bianca? Have any great input? Thank you!

Love
-e

Friday, January 26, 2007

A day of food


















Dear Marc, did you ever clean an entire house before you were to leave the country? And if so, what did you do to keep the two people under 6 years of age out of the household for two days so you didn't have to clean it again?

I brought my kids to see food in the ancient Östermalmshallen (top pic), where time stopped somewhere around 1932. It's the kind of place to go if you want to say stuff like "I'm planning to eat a plump pear two days from now. So could you give me one that will be perfect by then?"
And they won't even think that's a weird thing to ask for. They'll just give you the perfect pear.


















See that man to the left? The one that looks like he's got two heads and one set of legs? One half of that strange man is one quarter of Abba. Benny.

I don't care if you don't believe me. He knows he was there. And I'm the lousiest paparazzi in the universe. Make that multiverse. I have the picture to prove it.


















Cheeses from 1932.

















That fruit counter.

















That fruit counter with the apple of my eye.

















More strange food from our nation. These pale orbs to the left are known as kroppkaka. It translates into the unappetizing "Body cake". Inside a layer of 300 % carbs, you'll find a little meat if you're lucky. Some people add bacon so they don't have to rely on luck. That's bacon to the right. If you're lucky you might find a tiny kroppkaka inside the bacon. But don't count on it.


















Here's strange food that's really good. Say hello to the semla, also known as Hetvägg - Hot wall. It's a bun with a slight cardamom tinge and an almond paste filling, topped with cream. Eat it with hot milk and cinnamon. I love semlor (pl.) so much I contemplated naming my daughter Semla.

We ate and went for dinner at my folks house. My dad told me a story about how he tried his love for another woman before mom.

"I decided to walk to the airport to test my love. I walked for an hour but then I had to take a cab, but only because I didn't have the time, I swear. And there she was and I realized I didn't love her. I saw her in the airport lounge wearing her wolf fur and all and I didn't feel a thing".

He had us with his walk to the airport. That was romantic. But wolf fur? Who is he kidding?

You have one?

love
-e

Weird food from our nation


















Dear Marc, may I introduce you to Blodpudding? That's right. Blodpudding. That green keyhole sign means it's really good for you. Nutritious and healthy.

Does that make you feel better?

Love
-e

A loving tribute to brides of the 80s























Dear Marc, may I present to you the half poodle/half meringue creature?
He's looking for a new home.

love
-e

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The curse of the multiverse

















Dear Marc, I'm sure you're familiar with quantum physics and the idea of one, perhaps an infinite number of parallel universes. I hesitate in writing universes. The one we're in seems sufficient to me. But sure, bring on the multiverse.

I struggle with multiverse. According to some theories, there might be universes identical to ours, where you and I do things differently. In one of them, you have a blog called Letters to Emi Gunér, because you're a copywriter who appreciates my fashion.

With the snow I'm faced with the multiverse again. We haven't changed tires to suit the winter climate. I tried to move the car, it was very difficult. My heart goes out to myself in a parallel universe where I crashed into one neighbors car right after I ran over another neighbors dog. In this universe, I came very close to having those accidents.

Must clean the entire house, potential house sitters are coming to visit tomorrow morning.
Anders is still in France, but on his way home.

In a parallel universe, he's cleaning the house and I'm in France.
Actually, in a parallel universe, it is customary for potential house sitters to clean the house while paying for the owners couple time in France.

A bientot
-emilie

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

More winter























A man.























Meets his maker.

Winter wonderland


















Dear Marc, I just dropped the kids off at the day care center.
I had my camera with me, walking home. Bring out the ski's, I'll make hot chocolate.
Winter's finally here.

wearing a knitted hat, sending love from far away.
-e

A man, a wife, many many many shoes

Dear Marc, have you read Blogger me? He's very interested in his wife's shoes. In a loving, respectful way. I get the impression that he's into his wife and her shoes, but still leaves her shoes alone. And he manages to write about them shoes in an interesting way.

Or perhaps I should say he did. He quit writing the blog back in 2005, so don't expect any new shoes on the site. But it's still a good read.

Would you like me to write about my man's shirts?

I'll do it if you want me to.

love
e

ps. Sorry for the A Marc Jacobs dilemma delay.

Monday, January 22, 2007

The healing powers of my mama

Dear Marc, how do you feel about New Agers? I don’t think I would care at all, if my mother wasn’t so big on alternative medicine and treatments. She’s a psychiatrist, and have worked as a regular doctor and psychiatrist for more than 30 years.

The New Age wave brought her even more treatment alternatives when traditional methods failed. She’s now also into energy medicine, healing oils and various acupressure points. I find it hard to believe I even have chakras, but she tells me I do, and in all the right places too!

Now mom’s not above putting her methods to work for other needs too.
The other day, she was on the subway, caught up in a book on mindfulness. Her mind was so full that she left a bag with her favorite red linen jacket behind.

Mom did not cry. She used Reiki to bring her jacket back. Not only was the jacket returned by the subway people, but later that day, my mom found an identical red jacket in a store. These jackets are not easy to come by, she’s looked for an extra one since she bought the first one a few years ago.

What I’m trying to say here is that if you’ve lost a loved item of clothing, my mom might be able to bring it back for you. She’s not your regular doctor.

Love
-e

ps. Coming up: A real Marc Jacobs dilemma! Will be posted in a few hours or whenever my kids go to bed.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

What I know for sure























Dear Marc, I know Oprah loves you but do you love her? Do you read her words of wisdom? Do they inspire you to tell the world about your own progress and insights?

I know the world would much rather read your words than mine, but should that stop me?
No!

Here's what I know for sure.

If you have a 5-year old daughter, do not buy her Days of The Week Underwear if you want to retain your sanity. Unless you want to spend an hour every Monday morning looking for Monday, but coming up with Wednesday. Even if she can't read, you wouldn't lie to your child. Or would you? By Tuesday morning, you will.

love
-e

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Friday, January 19, 2007

What would Jesus wear?





















Dear Marc, I’m not a co-shopper, are you? I find it difficult to go shopping with friends. When it comes to friend activities, I’d rather go for long walks or meet up for dinner, lunch, tea or anything else involving food and company.

But for shopping, no. Since I prefer to go shopping in solitude, I can only turn to myself for style advice. As a result, my style hasn’t changed much since the 5th grade. Sometimes, when I’m especially lost, I think ”would x wear this?”, the same way people ask what Jesus would have done.

Various celebrities and friends have played the part of X over the years. Molly Ringwald and Sade were pioneer x:es.









Molly had me dressed in tartan and mesh. Sade inspired a strict ponytail and tight long skirts.























Then, for a long, long, long time, X:s shoes were filled by Lauryn Hill. She was my style icon. No, we don’t look anything alike. Still “would Lauryn Hill wear this” was my mantra, my inner style compass. For instance, I was convinced that Lauryn Hill would wear a combination of green wool pants, green wool turtleneck and a worn jean jacket. And she would definitely choose to match that up with combat boots.

I haven’t seen a pic of Hill in years. I hear she now has 4 kids, so I’m guessing that she knows all there is to know about stylish maternity wear.

My current x’s are Amanda Peet and sometimes Parker Posey. Some days it’s Sofia Coppola, other days it’s Cate Blanchett. When completely lost I get back on track with the help of a young Claudette Colbert.





















Who’s your x?

Do you have one?
Curiously yours

-e

ps. What will this mean as I’m getting older? Will I ask myself “would Margaret Thatcher or miss Marple wear this?”

http://www.arikah.net/commons/en/thumb/b/b3/200px-President_Reagan_and_Prime_Minister_Margaret_Thatcher_at_Camp_David_1986.jpg

Thursday, January 18, 2007

A bird in the hand.


















Made by dad in the 60's. Speaking of dad, he's in NY right now, showing his Hammarskjöld documentary at the UN. I love you, dad. It's a day full of love, bills, and fighting the cold.

bye
-e

Overheard on the bus

Young woman on the phone:

"Yes it was one of those really posh boutiques. You know, kisses on really smooth cheeks belonging to women with long nails on wrinkled hands."

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Congratulations America










From Sweden to you, an art school prince.
Carl Philip has left Stockholm for New York to study at an undisclosed New York art school
Congratulations students.

I know it's not my business





















Dear Marc, you know this man is dating Teri Hatcher and he has previously dated Eva Longoria? I see no problem with that. I just wonder if that beard looks better up close? Perhaps it has a hypnotizing effect. Perhaps he plays the flute and wants it to rest better against his chin.

Love
-e

So help me

Dear Marc, I'm going to a party and don't know what to wear.
Decide for me. Thankyou!






















Red on the inside.























The "I can't afford Mouret."
























You should see it from the back.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Eye update

Dear Marc, do you remember my post on corrective eye surgery?
Turns out my eyes are too cone shaped to guarantee a perfect result. My eye doctor tells me so.
Cone shaped? That's not a compliment is it?

My eyes are like pyramids, like vintage Madonna bras, like warning triangles.

Perhaps it runs in the family. In a romantic speech my dad made to my mom on her 60th birthday, he said "Your eyes are like pokers".

I accepted the news of my cones with what little dignity I could find within me.

Then I turned the verdict into a promise: If I can't have surgery, that means I must extend my collection of glasses.

But cash flow is low.
What would you rather spend money on?

These all cost about the same:

Artisan
http://www.chichestercookshop.co.uk/Images/fullsize_images/KSM150_TG.jpg

Bike

















Glasses

Trip to New York

Gift Baskets & Boxes

love
-e

The one thing that makes me proud




















Dear Marc, as an American, you probably think Scandinavians stick to Swedish fish when it comes to candy. You could not be more wrong.
We invented the Never Stop. Do you dare try it? You might never stop eating. I often have them for breakfast with coffee. By dinnertime, I'm still nibbling.

That's all for now.
-e

Oh Sandra























Dear Marc, Do you have any idea where Sandra Oh found this dress? I really like it.
Love
-e

Monday, January 15, 2007

The smells and visions of my life

Dear Marc, what are you watching and how are you smelling?
















I saw your somewhat new Violet scent and was struck with that familiar got to have it-feeling.
I don't know how you do it. I see a scentless image on a screen and feel I must smell like that.

I have a small wardrobe of scents. It includes Jil Sander No4 and Laura Mercier Eau de Lune.

But most days I wish I smelled like coffee and dark chocolate. And a little tobacco. Is that how you smell? I wouldn't be surprised.

My man works in London during the week and spends weekends with us in Stockholm. When he's home, we play with the kids, cook and then, while the kids are sleeping, watch Rome or Studio 60.












Last night I had a strange dream. I dreamed that Sorkin had made Rome. The tempo was so fast and the senators and legionnaires were speedtalking and speedwalking, sending slaves back and forth with important notes tattooed into their skulls. Matthew Perry played Cesar in a pranksterous kind of way. When stabbed to death by Brutus and other close friends, Cesar quipped his famous line "Kai su, teknon", then added "I suppose that's Greek to you. "

What should I watch now, when I've seen every episode of Rome and Studio 60? I want more Amanda Peet. But since she's about to have her baby, I'll have to settle for soemthing else. Dirt any good?

love
-e

Friday, January 12, 2007

Another Swedish Anatomy lesson














Dear Marc, it's been a while since I last taught you weird Swedish words for various body parts. I thought I'd bring up some more. For instance, did you know that gums are called "Tandkött" in Swedish? Tooth-meat. Yummy.

Have you ever been complimented on your cute cuticles? In Sweden, we have nagelband. Nail bands. Play it for us, nails!

It may be a little confusing for Anglophile immigrants that we refer to each ankle as a "vrist". I hear in the States, the vrist is located closer to your arm.

But none of these are as interesting as the genital area. Swedish men come equipped with a penis and a "pung". You call it scrotum, we call it purse. Cause after all, that's where you keep your valuables. It's a medieval word for purse though, the kind that's a small bag where you keep your golden coins.

English speaking men have glans. Swedish speaking men have "ollon" - acorns. I assume Swedish men want to convey the nibbly quality of their privates. You anglos missed the train. Or perhaps you just placed the nibbly interest in nuts in your purses.

Quite close to the purse and acorn, you'll be happy to find the "stjärt"- the ass. The same for men and women. But ladies also have a stjärt in front. Some prudish Swedes don't like to refer to the female genitals by their real names. Instead, they call it "framstjärt". Frontal ass. As in "sure you washed your frontal ass properly, dear?". We Swedish ladies have more asses than the rest of you. But we're happy to share.

That's all for today. Come back for another language lesson another day.

-Miss E.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Why?


















Dear Marc, yesterday I found this "Go Sweden" potty.
How many people were involved in thinking it was a great idea?
The designer, the pottery people, the store people who sold it.

They all thought "Let's make and sell a "Go Sweden"-potty".

Why?
How does going number one or two help our nation?

cluelessly yours
-e

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Shirley Temple effect

http://www.a-1video.com/Shirley%20Temple%20photo.JPG

Dear Marc, did you ever ween a baby off the bottle? No?
I am currently helping Joel kick his formula habit. It's not easy. I've tried everything. I think you'll believe I have when you hear that so far, the only thing that soothes the recovering addict is spending endless hours (before dawn) watching Shirley Temple clips on YouTube.

Vanja wakes up after dawn, but now she's into Shirley too.
We're moving to London for four months in two weeks. Vanja doesn't know any English. What little she learned in India is long forgotten.

But thanks to the weening soundtrack, Vanja has now equipped herself with an English vocabulary. We'll just have to wait and see how far "Animal crackers in my soup" takes her in London.

Any essential words or phrases I should try to teach her now?
Like "Do you have that in a size T4?" or "Dry-clean only"?

love
-e

Monday, January 08, 2007

What I've always dreamed of























Dear Marc, do you share my dream? Would you also love to become a rockabilly matador?
Should I buy this dress? Bidding is over in 3 days. It's already $355. At what price wearable success?

love
-e

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Fast Poll from this blogger

Dear Marc, avert your eyes. Dear readers, which LTMJ-blog entries have you enjoyed the most?
Since October, 2005?

I need to know, but can't tell you why just yet.

secretely yours
-e

Courtney and me























Dear Marc, did you see Courtney Love's list of New Year's resolutions? I was stunned when I saw how many of her promises coincided with my own. my comments in red. what courtney resolutions do you embrace? Or do you simply embrace the lady herself?


* Have a happy satisfied child and family
YES
* sell the pony get a new horse
Pet pony.

* try this "thin" anthropoligical experiment — get to my goal weight healthily and stay there. YES. (Did not know this was anthropoligical.)
* cahnt for the war in Iraq to cease asap
YES
* chant for Hillary to win
YES
* learn an asian language
Sumimasen, wakarimasen.
* dont peek at tabloids and bad websites, as it absouloutly shatters the Law to make that cause agiants yourself.
Work hard to understand the above sentence.

* have fantastic sex with commitment and honour with someone whoo treats me as i deserve and dont give my power away
Settle for "fantastic sex".

* DO NOT SLLOW MYSELF TO BE A DOORMAT INA RELATIONSHIP EVER EVER AGAIN
Buy new doormat.
* hopefully start another family someday — soon. meet that guy
Chant for Courtney Love to find love.
* know that Kurts spirit is tended to and tend to it daily
Tend to spirits. Drink them with caution. Daily.
* LEARN TO DRIVE
Dare to drive.
* STOP SMOKING GO TO HYPNI THERAPY AND JUST DAMM WELL STOP
quit using capitals when promising stuff not even I believe I will success at
* another year, another year without even wine no matter how hard i try to justify that "wines okay" knw that is the demon voice and put it out of my thoughts

but a little jesus juice should be fine.

* dont go to nightclubs with 19 year olds
if only for once, go to a nightclub with a 19 year old

* stay pissed off at the world for song usage
Sing more. Though the sound may piss off world.

* no more surgery for any reason other than medical until i really need it in my 60s
Have bolt screwed into upper jaw to secure dental implant. Tell little children the bolt is proof that I am half woman, half robot.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

For the love of art

Contest winners

Thank you all contestants!

I'm happy to announce that the winners are

Dr "show up your bobbies" Denis

and

Elaine "The chocolate smuggling scheme"

Please let me know who you want the personalized poem for and what you'd like it to be about.
mail me at emi@lovegun.net

New contest will soon be announced. Like tomorrow. It will be fashion oriented. Oh la la.

Playing with food

Dear Marc, does it ever happen to you that your dinner companion turns quiet for a while...


















...and then he or she looks at you and says
"hey, look what I made" and then present you with something like
this:


It happened to me today.
love
-e